Jul 9, 2012


I had a twitchy sphincter muscle today.  In the Grey Trilogy, there are multiple, if not over use of the phrase, "twitchy palm."  If you haven't read it, it's okay, I will just tell you that today, my sphincter felt "twitchy."  I started out my day in the normal way.  Like, I woke up.  So far, so good.  Then, I stayed as quiet as I could and played on my phone, so as not to wake the little migits.  However, after texting back and forth with my girlfriend, I realized that it was after 9:30 AM and there was no possible way that they could be asleep since they went to bed early.  Then, I feared, as I have since the day my son was born, nearly seven years ago, that someone had stolen him from his bed in the middle of the night, or that he had died of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS.)  I never said that my fears were rational.  I am fully aware that he is not an infant, however, he will always be my baby, and I might be just crazy enough to continue checking on his breathing in the middle of the night as that loon in the "I'll Love You Forever" book.  (If you haven't read that, you need to.  It's not long, and will cause your "breathe to hitch.")  Most people cry with that book, but not much gets to me.  I think I am a robot with hair.  A lot of hair.  And perhaps some testosterone too.  A hairy, testosteroney robot.  At this point, I bet my mom is probably wishing she had saved up a little extra money for a college education.  I bet I wouldn't be online writing about my endocrine issues.  I'd probably be a CEO of my own company and doing whatever I wanted, since I had potential, but I never applied myself.  (PS Thanks to all the teachers that wrote that on my report cards.  Apparently, that line is useless as I am now applying myself, to useless blogging.)

Where was I?  Oh, right, my twitchy sphincter muscle.  So, turns out, that after a month and a half of summer schedule and telling the migits to stay in bed and be quiet until I get them, they finally listened. It was eerily quiet, and I went to check, and Chaz was on his iPod in his bed and Shay was laying in her bed, just waking up.  So, off to start our day, and I asked, and they agreed to go to Learning Express for the free story and craft, and then to the YMCA pool for the afternoon.  In between the learning Express fun, we headed home to grab a bite to eat before heading to the YMCA.  While I was home, I got a call from an old neighbor, who has a friend in the my neighborhood that sometimes needs help and we jump to help anyone really.  So, my old neighbor called and said that her friend needed a car jump since her battery was dead, and asked if I'd drive down the block to jump her car.  "Sure!"  I love to be able to help someone out.  So, I get there, and her car is in the driveway with the hood up, and she is not outside.  I get out of my car, and begin fumbling with the latch to open the hood, and she comes out, and obviously, feels like this is an appropriate time to hug me.

Number one-  I'm really not a warm and fuzzy type.  I love people, and enjoy a cuddle with my husband, kids, my mom, and even my dog- but people I really don't know-- not really my idea of hug worthy.

Number two- If you feel an impulse to hug me, I don't think while I am facing away from you is the time to come up and hug on me in appreciation.  I was honestly very uncomfortable and my sphincter tightened upon her touch.  My thought was, "IF she thinks this is an appropriate time to hug, no doubt, her sense of closeness is warped, and I must shut off any potential threats that I have in this position."  I know it wasn't a super long hug, nor did she thrust in any way, however, I didn't feel like I should chance this one.

My next thought, although fleeting, was by "Would you go jump her car.." did that that mean something that I should have picked up on as code for something less appropriate than the literal question?  I let that one go quickly, as if I paid as much attention to everything in my head, I'd never leave my home, and would no doubt be in a day program somewhere to keep me safe from my finger nail clippers.

Well, I did what I was asked to do, and quickly left, and luckily for me, no hug came at the end since I had to pull my car close to hers for the cables to reach, and I couldn't get out of my car once I moved it closer.  Whew.  I just rolled down my window and allowed her to thank me, but took off out of there like a bat out of hell for fear she might try to blow a kiss or something.

I then went to YMCA and met a friend there.  We hugged hello.  I thought nothing of it.  I told her the story of the hug from behind that was still haunting me.  She was laughing, as we were on the "Lazy River" current channel and at that moment, I got pushed along by a strong current that violated my anus.  I thought I had just gotten an enema, and squealed.  For real, it's not right.  They need to put signs up that say something like, "Must face forward, or you might get water wooshed up your ass."  I'm just paraphrasing.  They can have the sign say anything to the like.  But for real,  the current channel seemed to sneak up on me about 3 more times over the course of the afternoon.  At some point I just yelled out, "No means no!"  Too bad they already think I am nutty.  They just had no idea.

Day was enjoyable and it was time to go.  We all gathered our belongings, and headed to the showers.  My girlfriend said good bye and walked off-- no hugs good bye.  I kinda' missed it.  Our hands were full, and it was chilly inside, but still.  No hug?  Where's the love?  Hmmm... wonder if my lack of hugs from behind spooked her.  Don't blame her.  They spook the snot out of me.  ;o)

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