Jul 28, 2012

Super Saturday-- It was not our best one.

Damn!  Today was a very productive day, but man, at the end of the day, I started thinking, "Wow, I have really messed up somewhere along the way."  Here's the deal.  I think freedom of speech is important, at best, vital, to healthy environments and persuasive societies.  By that, I mean to say, I respect others' beliefs, and principles.  However, today was one of those days I was being bombarded by them.

Started out with Geoff having another vertigo bout that had him in bed all day until tonight.  So... I was running on day six of playing single parent, as during the week, I am totally by myself and when he gets home, he is not as much as a help as another warm body to have to care for.  Weekends are sort of my time to sit back a little more, generally, and take care of things while he and the kids engage in activity before we do something as a family.  Today.That.Did.Not.Happen.  I worked my tail off from 7:30 this morning until now.  I didn't even get much sleep, as Geoff has me up until 2:30 AM with his snoring.  And he also had nausea, I suppose, his warning sign to vertigo.

We had arranged to have our amazing family friends join us at the YMCA today.  Well, I ran the migits to the Build and Grow at Lowes, ordered a custom size shag rug while we were there, then headed to Target to pick up another fitted sheet and hand soap.  I stuck to my list too!  I was really proud of myself.  The migits almost talked me into the coolest Mickey and Minnie soap dispensers.  Well, technically, they didn't ask for it.  They showed it to me.  They know better than to ask for anything in a store.  I trained them-YOUNG.

We raced home and I folded the wash that I had been working on from before we left in the morning.  Made lunch, packed snacks for the pool, vacuumed the downstairs, and by 2:PM, we were at the YMCA pool with our friends.  The wife, one of my closest friends, was honestly annoyed the whole time we were there.  I felt terrible that she was truly not enjoying herself, but felt so honored that she and I have reached a place in our relationship, almost 7 years later, that she can let her family junk hang out for me to witness.  Was a special moment for me when I realized how human she is.  Plus, we talked, at length, about pubic hair grooming, and honestly, that is a conversation you can have once and be done.  No need to be interrupted by kids and husbands and then to have to keep picking back up on that convo.  Really.  I'm good now.  I guess our conversation base of topics has really dwindled if that is where we were today.  While we both have autism in our family, that, for some reason, did NOT come up today.  However, that was kind of a new for us too.  See, we usually have that as our binding tie.  Nice that now we have autism AND pubic hair grooming habits.  Maybe, if we are lucky, we might branch out and talk about girl things.  I don't really know what those things are, but one day, we might explore it.  (Not nails or hair, fashion, or gossip.)  Okay.  Scratch that.  Maybe we will talk men talk, since I don't think  I will ever be able to talk girl talk.

Here's where I felt like I had messed up.  Today, I get an email from an old high school friend.   She has no children, and her and her current husband would like to have a child.  When they came to visit last Christmas, we got to meet her new hubby, and saw that he had a true love for children.  I had not known how much they had really wanted children, until the email today.  When someone tells me their pet has died, I feel the loss of my Mai Tai from two summers ago.  Well, the same is true of hearing a story of a miscarriage of a child.  I feel for the anger, resentment, frustration, and sadness that this lady is feeling.  But, I do it differently.  I do it with my faith- my belief system.  She and I have very different beliefs.  First, she and I were raised in the same area, and relate based on our upbringings and geography.  That is basically as far as we go in relating.  I was raised Jewish.  I converted in my twenties to be a practicing Catholic.  She is an atheist, and a loud and proud one about that.  I TOTALLY respect her.  She was tolerant of my questions when I first learned about it, and basically, her premise is honorable.  She believes that people should do the right thing because it is right and moral, not because there is a punishment that might come from it from a higher power.  While she is not open to G-d, it doesn't mean that he is not present in her life.

I know that she turned to me today for some words of comfort, and I really did not know how to do that.  I too have had miscarriages, but honestly, the only thing that helped me not harbor the resentment, anger, frustration and loss was a little baby boy, and his name is Charlie.  But, my road to having Charlie was hard, and sadly, involved G-d.  Telling that to her was probably akin to me throwing salt or twisting the knife, but really, I didn't know how to comfort her without being honest.  So, I was.  And I even took a moment and prayed that something I might say would help her, or at least, not hurt or anger her more.  But, I don't know that my email did that for her.  I will just ask that if you read this, that you say a prayer for that family and their desires.  I truly don't understand why things happen, but I do know that there is perfect timing.

Then, we move on to Chik Fil A.  Well, our friends who joined us at the pool are incredibly outspoken on their stand on issues.  I am too, and while I might not be able to debate my stand from a theological or political stand point, I know that I usually work really hard to discern before I take a random stand on something.  Chik Fil A has been one of those issues.  While I refuse to give a dime to a business or organization that choices to take an interpretation from a man made translation of G-d's teachings, and choice to throw the rest of the interpretations away, this family thought differently, and they are fully supporting Chik Fil A.  Well, I thought there was some discrimination involved, and had not completely educated myself on the cause.  Turns out, no, I don't agree with the company, however, I do believe the company does do good, and hopefully, this statement might help the company to learn to love, or teach love and acceptance, to more than those who fit the "getting into heaven based on heterosexual behaviors only" clause.  I love because it is a commandment.  I think those ten teachings are more relevant each day that passes.  But I won't be participating in a day of showing support by throwing my money at it.  I will throw my money at loving those around me.  If that means I need to buy an extra jacket this winter for a child that is without, I will.  But I don't think a man stating his beliefs on a radio station that shares the same beliefs is a reason to go balls to the walls crazy with ourselves and start throwing hate filled sentiments around.  I will love, whether I think something is right or not, I will just love, because that is what is being asked of me from the One who made us, and what is right and just.

Remember what happens to glass homes peeps.  My sin is no less than those around me.  I'm hoping that my actions, my words, and my thoughts, are less of me, and more of Him, next time I am confronted with a human need from those around me.  

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