Aug 28, 2012

The blog in which I decode a page from a user manual for you.

For the big seven year birthday surprise we have planned for Charlie, a trampoline, I read, reread, and cross referenced until my eyes and my brain were ready to explode.  I ended up with one I feel meets our needs, mostly, it obviously fell in the price range, however, it met the weight requirements I had, as well as reviews that said mostly positive things about it's use.  The one notable snippit I took from more than one reviewer was regarding how to put it together.  They all said that the directions in the box are not as good as the online manual.  So, I dutifully went online, and printed the relevant pages.  Plus, one, that I felt was confusing to the unknowledgeable.  My brother asked for a trampoline for his Bar Mitzvah.  (I do not know if those words need to be capitalized, however, I did, so as to not piss of G-d, who I might have already pissed off by not staying in Hebrew school long enough to know the proper way to write that.  And the word "Hebrew?"  Capital or not?  And shouldn't there be a "ch" in that word?   I thought the pre-requisite to to that language was the sound a fur ball extraction makes.  Hmm.  Think amongst yourselves.  The page I printed is here, for me to share with you since I have trampoline experience.  I have numbered each smaller picture so that I might reference them.  

Photograph © Erin Ahrens 2012
  1. This one is asking that we not jump to the left or right on the trampoline.  OR, that we are to not jump off the trampoline.  Even this was not very evident to me, the self proclaimed trampoline expert since I had one growing up.  Interesting fact- the trampoline comes with an enclosure netting, therefore, I think number 1 is irrelevant.  Let's move on.  
  2. Here, they are showing that it is acceptable to jump up and down.  I personally think this is redundant, and insulting to even the simple minded people they are selling this too.  (Just because I dropped out of "CH"ebrew school, (Jewish liberties taken with the addition of the "C," it's a birthright) doesn't mean I am simple.  Just that I can't speak "c"Hebrew, nor can I be buried in a Jewish cemetery since I am tattooed and have my ears pierced.  
  3. This box is showing that a jumper is not to jump onto the springs/pad area with their head.  Okay, that seems legit.  I guess.  Not really.  Moving on.  Still feeling more insulted than informed at this point.  
  4. You are not allowed to have two stick figures jumping on a trampoline at one time.  We will have a hard time with that one.  But, rules are rules...
  5. Do not allow jumping on the head.  Look, laws of natural selection should apply on this one.  
  6. One stick figure may be jumping while another stick figure watches from the ground.  That one will be tough for us to accommodate.  Have you seen Geoff or me lately?
  7. That is clearly a blood culture bottle, and it appears that it is not recommended to collect a blood culture whilst on the trampoline.  I understand that not everyone is as educated as I am-- even though I don't even have a college degree.  Grateful for my phlebotomy and medical assisting certifications and that I have the opportunity to share my expertise with you.  I am sure this is on the list due to the difficulty in maintaining a sterile environment and the potential for injury is elevated.  
  8. The "Super Man" move off the trampoline as a dismount is a no-no.  I get it.  I just think the picture would have been self explanatory if they added a cape.  Like this-
Super Man move being demonstrated in this illustration.  Photograph © Erin Ahrens 2012
    9. Umm... I could be wrong, but number 4 and number 9 look the same.  Going to assume this was a mistake on the part of the person who was assigned this task, and when his boss said, "Look busy," this was all he come up with.  
   10.  Okay, I see what is happening.  The boss really said, "Come up with ten ridiculous pictures to confuse the heck out of the buyer."  Sadly, the employee couldn't come up with any more ridiculous than the blood culture bottle, as he thought that was pretty freakin' genius, and gave up trying, so numbers 6 and 10 are also the same as well, and luckily, he snuck it past the boss and we are now viewing it.

I can not write a review on the actual product as we are still awaiting it's arrival, the home owners associations approval of the addition to our back yard, and the birthday, which is not until September 23.  By which point, we will hopefully have resolved the rat and GINORMOUS snake issue, and taken a tree down so that we might be able to assemble the trampoline.  We can do this.  We can do this.  We can do this.  (My mantra for the day.)


  1. Replies
    1. Addendum to item #7- This may or may not be a blood culture bottle. Upon further inspection, it appears to be a container of food grade hot sauce. If this is, in fact, the case, please refrain from eating tacos or burritos while operating the trampoline. I would like to thank Yvette for the correction. We are a safer community, as a whole, for your diligence in reviewing the safety manual with us. If only other citizens were as concerned as you. You are an inspiration to us all.

    2. Lol Erin! I read this to my husband (the entire post) and we both had a good giggle!! :) Thanks.