Nov 1, 2012

The blog in which it's "The Frog Prince."

It's a retelling, I get that, however, those "Grimms'" fairy tales are ones we need to steer clear of.  It's my fault.  I was tired of seeing my son check out the same type of simple books on various dogs over the past month.  I thought it might be a fun idea to go through some of the classics.  Nay, Nay.  I now see the error in my ways.  The classics are dark.  We read "The Three Little Pigs," and that went well. Next, was "The Frog Prince."  Truth is, I had really forgotten many of the classic stories, so I hadn't remembered exactly how it went, .  On with the story....

 "Fat?"  "Ugly?"  Wow.  That seems rude.  And why in the world would the princess play with her favorite toy near a well?  She might be beautiful, but she is missing some braincells.  And where was her father?  Shouldn't he be keeping an eye on this "prize?" 

"What will you give me?"  Excuse me.  I have worked REALLY freakin' hard over here to teach my children that we should help others because it is right, NOT because you expect anything in return.  This is starting to upset me.  But I kept reading.  

Look.  I have friends.  Granted, not many, but I don't require that any of them allow me to eat from their plate, drink from the their cup, or (gasp) sleep in their bed.  Except once, but it was on a church retreat and Rachel sorta' talked me into that mess.  

For times' sake, I have omitted the next bit, but will tell you that he retrieved the ball, she left him out in the cold, and then he shows up at the palace door, she answers it, then slams the door on his face.  When she returned to finish her dinner, her father, the King, asked what the matter was.  She informed him of the situation with the ball, the frog, and the promise.  

"We can lie down and sleep." ????  Look, I'm no fool.  I have a husband.  I have soooo heard THAT line. Look, these kids are savvy.  They know what's happening.  And I for one think it's terrible.  While I don't shun most controversial relationships, I think I will have to take a stand somewhere.  Let's keep the Kermit porn out of our children's reach. 

Do you see that smug little frog????  Come on now.  It looks like the King is running some prostitution ring or something!  And she's the "most beautiful."  Wonder what the frog paid the king off for that.... 

Next page she takes him up to her room, then she places him on the floor as she snuggles into the bed.  The frog gets her attention and says that if she does not place him in bed next to her, that he will tell her father.  That's when she she lost her ever-loving mind.  Read on...

Lucky prince?  Fool.  She's just going to treat you like poo the rest of your marriage.  Your children won't respect you because they will see your wife abusing you for years to come, and you will become a shell of the prince you once might have been.  And how are you to explain the sleeping with before marriage thing?  Whatever.  Hope you live happily ever after.  

*For the sake of NOT being sued, and the chance that you might really desire to share this nugget with your own family, this version of "The Frog Prince" ©2004, is authored by Eric Blair, illustrated by Todd Ouren.

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