Nov 23, 2012

The blog in which I observe our Elf on the Shelf.

Well, after the family went to sleep tonight, I was observing our elf,  "Shout!" Then, I was struck with how much he and I would totally get along.  See for yourself.  

"You really asleep?  Yea?  GREAT!  Gotta' go play!"
"So, I've called you all here to discuss our benefits package.    First, no bonus this year.  The union and the tea parties... I mean, really.  We can't be having tea parties.  Can't afford the tea.  
This is not funny Elf MAN.  Take it off.  Now! 
So, you want reindeer games???  I got your reindeer games right here "Elf boy!"
Who's your daddy???  
I'm telling Santa on you! Uncle!
Hey baby... "THAT'S" what a good girl looks like.  You? Not so much. 
Option #1- Baruch ataw adenoi, elohanu melech halom, vistzi vanu, lehadnich sher shell Chanukkah...
Option #2- Why can't we belong to one of the rich jewish tribes?  We we stuck with an eraser tonight?  I just coughed up a fur ball, I mean, prayed, for this nonsense?
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go.....
Mush! Mush!  YA!  
On Comet!  On Cupid!  On Dasher!  On the gay one.!  I meant to say "Prancer."  Oiy.  Sorry.  That was so not right.  
Shout!-Really?  Only eight gifts?
Mom- Yes.  And get off that service dog.  You are not handicapped.
Shout!- Yes I am.
Mom- No you are not.  Mute is not an accepted handicap.
Shout!- I'm paralyzed.
Shout!- Dude. Dude.  I had too much 'nog.  And my girl?  She just left with another elf.  But he looked just like me.   Awkward.  
Nutcracker #2- Dude.  Get off my face.  I can't see.
Shout!- Stop bustin' my balls!
Nutcracker #2-  I'm not!  I'm just a nut cracker!  And for F's sake!  I can't feel my feet!  WHERE. ARE. MY. FEET?!?  Holy hell. This can't be good.  
And this is where Shout! ended up on this second night with us.   I'm disappointed that the  floozie is photo bombing,  but thankfully, Santa is right there to see the naughtiness in action.  I hope this teaches the rest of those disproportionately sized dolls a lesson.  Like, when given a choice, the elf choses to ride a fake reindeer over her plastic mess.   

1 comment:

  1. I swear, I was headed to bed early, and thought, "Oh, can't forget to move Shout!, and I went to get him, and the ducks in a pile caught my eye. Then, as I was gathering them for a funny photo idea, other things started flying into my head, and I swear, I was giggling. Sad. Geoff came into the bedroom after his shower, and saw a bed full of toys and looked at me, and shook his head and told me he was going to sleep in Shay's room. My poor husband. PS This is an edited version. The unrated edition will remain in my head. If you see me in the confessional, you must know- it will take a while.