Nov 20, 2012

The blog in which I have a small bladder and don't like Twinkies.

Are they still talking about this?  I mean, it was newsworthy, but not in the way that it's coming across. I am no stranger to the appreciation of cheap junk food that can withstand the Apocalypse, but I'm over finding this on the homepage of my news source, still.  (AOL- isn't that where everyone gets their news?)  Not that I know who Kim Kardashian is dating, has dated, or is making her latest sex tape with, but it's probably because someone is failing me at my news source.  Yes, AOL.  I am not devastated about Hostess.  I think it is a shame that the government doesn't waste its' time micromanaging the chemicals and hazardous materials added to our food and drinks.  (Remember, I am the mom that has recovered a child from autism with a crazy-clean diet and biomedical treatments.)

While I believe that the drink size limits are somewhat scary, I kinda' think that we Americans need someone to tell us that a 96 oz soda might be unnecessary for, um, ANYONE.  I don't even drink that much in a day, but I am not kidding you, I saw a huge, obviously, insulated mug-like thing at a gas station one day, next to the soda fountain.  96 ounces.  Is that really necessary?  I wanted to stand right there and wait to see what sort of person makes that purchase.  Then, I want to invite them to a drinking contest, just so that I can see that party trick.  I think my bladder is about 9 ounces.  I would have to drink that sucker in the bathroom.  I'd have my phone with me there, so that I can follow the latest on the Hostess debacle.

First, I was born in NY.  We only appreciate true bakery goods and Drakes Cakes.  A refrigerated Devil Dog would cause me to orgasm.  If you merely mention it, I might wet myself.  I swear- I have a tiny bladder.  Let's just talk about it in the bathroom.

Second, there are many other companies struggling, and I don't feel like the focus is where it should be.  I started my news tolerance level at the same place I did yesterday, and every day that ended in day since I was capable of understanding news.  (Which might have been last week, since I am not a news type of gal.  I think I clarified that when I stated that I got my news from the AOL homepage.)   If I could dictate what news I would like to see reported on, it would be fairly simple.  I'm not a super complex chicky.  I would start with a blooper reel.  Then, I might move on to weather.  Then I would proceed to weatherman bloopers.  Following that, would be local happenings, and rounding out the newscast would be a live shot from the local animal shelter offering a furry face to find a home in the viewing area.  I might be what's wrong with the world, but honestly, I just don't want to hear it anymore.

I just want to drink less ounces than my head weighs each day, and I want to eat a baked good that has ingredients that I can pronounce, and I want to know that the overpopulation of animals is NOT because stupid people over breed animals and can't properly care for them.  *Before we go further on that- I respect responsible breeding, but you know what I am talking about.  The term is "puppy mills." I am forever grateful for my collie.  He is my third child that I am grateful I did not have to vaginally deliver.  Enough said on that.

So, to bring about some closure to this, I think I will provide you with an early gift.  This is my homemade brownie recipe I share as gifts.  (I actually give the dry mix out as a gift.)  It's that amazing.  All you have to do is add 2 eggs, 1/2 cup oil (you know that oil can be substituted with apple sauce, right?) and 1 tsp. of vanilla.  I call them three ingredient brownies, however, I have to throw the flour, sugar, salt and baking powder and cocoa together first, so it's technically an eight ingredient recipe, however, you can substitute sugar with the natural sugars, and gluten free flour, organic vanilla, etc.  Not that they are a health food, but I swear they have got to be healthier than those Twinkies that are causing mass hysteria on AOL right now.  As for the work force losing their jobs-  Trust me.  It's just the beginning.  It's time to start changing our mindset- think small business.  And if that is a lemonade stand selling a 96 oz. lemonade, by all means, belly up friends!  And then purchase toilet paper like it's going out of style.

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