Jun 4, 2012

Pajamas, Pooping Rainbows and Progesterone

So, I guess I miss out on the mother of the year award 6 years running.  Today, I went to work out this morning during the migit's swim team practice.  However, due to some practice change ups and weather, we ended up having a mini ribbon ceremony and snack, then a 20 minute practice outside in the rain.  Not enough time to hit the elliptical, or water aerobics at that time.  So, I arranged to meet a friend for water aerobics at 6:30 tonight, and I was to leave when Geoff got home at six.

We ran around all day until three, then I let the kids play while I got in an hour nap.  Everything seemed fine.  Geoff got home, I pulled out the left overs from last nights' dinner, and headed out the door.  I was really enjoying my workout, when halfway though, a front desk employee entered the pool area.  I looked  at her and got this sinking feeling.  She only comes in an emergency.  In the 15 seconds it took for her to enter the indoor pool door to make it to where I was, I had already told my girlfriend that she only comes to bring bad news.  She came to tell me my husband called. He was taking my son to the emergency room.  Fantastic.  He just got new hearing aides recently, and just today, I had to drop them off at his audiologist's office to have some adjustments made.  He will get them back next week.  Great, a practically deaf man taking my son to the hospital.  So I call him.  He says that boy migit is complaining of chest pains.  He's 6 1/2 and probably is having reflux.  Whatever, he already told him he was taking him, and if I denied them of this trip, he would have probably freaked out.  So I told him fine, I'd meet him in the parking lot and take the girl child home.   I literally threw on my cover up and took off my bathing suit in the matter of minutes, and forgot to put on my panties.  I did manage to remember in the parking lot at the hospital.  You're welcome sad little man stuck watching those surveillance videos.  They pulled in right behind me, and off we went to look like a family from those Walmart pictures.  I used to shamelessly go grocery shopping in pajamas, and now,  a beach cover up is humiliating.  True story.

As we are walking in, I do my best to figure out what was going on.  I think it sounds like an acute case of reflux, and when I said this, my son, shrieks, "Reflux?!  Oh no!"  If he only knew that the cure all for that is a candy flavored antacid, he might not have been so impressed with my diagnosis.   And if you have been reading along this blog, you will have learned that "acute" means recent onset, and therefore, you have been educated by an uneducated, pajama wearing grocery shopper.  Just stating the obvious here.

This is totally irrelevant, however, I have this off fear of seeing a car accident.  I am totally not into blood and guts unless I am in a setting that can treat, drug it, or send it somewhere else to be treated or drugged.  Anyway, shortly after Geoff and I got married, we came up to a motorcycle accident that we saw happening up ahead of us on a busy highway.  Geoff and I came to a stop, as the motorcyclist was partially on the rode still.  Geoff implored me to go help.  I am not sure what made him think  I could help, since my medical assistant certification never covered EMT work.  He kept saying I should go help.  The truth is, I saw movement, and finally, after he kept telling me to go, all I could come up with was that the only thing I could do was take a pulse, and I didn't even have a watch, and I doubt that would help her.  I did go, and she insisted on taking her helmet off, the one and only thing I kept asking her to not do.  See, I was useless.

While I was waiting for the next few hours of phone calls to come, and they did, all 5 of them to get us to the point of them walking in around 11:PM, I decided to get girl migit to bed.  That is about a 30 minute process of changing into pj's, teeth, books and prayers.  I told her to go take her clothes down and put into the washer.  We always do that.  However, she told me that she knew there was nothing to be afraid of, however, she was afraid, and preferred not going.  I decided to try to stay a step ahead of her, and scare her.  I explained that she was wrong.  That, there was in fact something to fear in the dark.  A boogie man.  And that he waits until dark, and if she went down there, he would be handing out lollipops.  Sometimes the lollipops had gum in them.  Other times, it would have enough money to buy an American Girl doll with.  At which point she wanted to know what would happen if she ate it.  I then went on to explain the serious process of eating money from the inside of a boogey man lollipop.  You simply poop it out and it comes out a rainbow into a pot of gold and then you can just take your money and go shopping.  (I am not even making this up.  Well, the whole boogey man thing, but not me telling her.  I swear I told her all this.)  I put it on Facebook tonight because I swear, I must have some drugs left in me from the 90's, or last week, but whatever, I want you people to know that the mother of the year award was hard won- by someone else.  

Back to tonights' episode of "Let's interrupt mommy's work out routine and take a jaunt to the local emergency room."  So, Geoff, hearing aide less, takes Charlie in, and I stay long enough to see the whole subjective/objective part of the visit, and then take off assuming that they are going to see that nothing is wrong and send him home in an hour.  Wrong, the next call I get it around 2 hours later.  He is going for a chest xray.  I assume because the EKG they did on a six year old showed that his heart was as healthy as a six year olds????  The call after that was to inform me that he was getting Adderal and progesterone.  At which point I knew that something was very wrong, and my decision to get out of a ER visit was a poor one made up entirely of selfish reasons and if my son came home in need of finding his testicles, it was going to be totally my fault.  Adderall is a medicine used for attention deficit disorder.  Progesterone is a hormone... a female one at that.   After a little game of, "Let me try to guess on what he might be getting" I figured it out.  He got albuterol and prednisolone.  His o2 sat was low, and he was wheezing.  RAD.  For the medical peeps, they get it.  For those not- sorry, I really can not continue to educate you with my pajamas on.

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