Jan 1, 2013

The blog in which I sorta' make a New Year resolution.

Resolutions?  Not really.  But a way to better myself... sure.  I'll bite.  I never make resolutions.  It's just not in me to stick with something because it's the fad to do so.  I could never quit smoking with a new year.  Or diet.  Or exercise.  Or anything else that would lead to a healthier me.

I quit smoking when I got really sick a few years ago.  I was tired of spending the money.  I was tired of being winded when playing tennis.  (Back when I played, I switched to the electronic cigarette, and within a few months, I was totally done.)

I usually lose weight when I get fed up with myself and the self indulgent lifestyle that the glutinous eating creates.  It makes me feel horrible, and more so now that I have children.  I desperately desire to be the role model for them and their healthy lifestyle habits.  Luckily, I chose to get on board with the diet changes and exercise plan this past February, and can honestly say, I ebb and flow, and while I am on a few weeks hiatus from the YMCA, I have recently lost a fair amount of weight, even during the holidays.  Tonight, I had a small sugar cookie I made, and a bite of a piece of chocolate, followed by a clementine orange.  YEA for me and smart choices!

Exercise helps with my anxiety, but not enough.  So, in the near future, I am seeking help for a rapidly worsening anxiety disorder that I have never properly addressed.  While in marriage counseling, I managed to keep that side of me hidden.  While in counseling after my drug phase, I managed to leave counseling as it started to show itself.  And while in tornado weather, elevator, thought of having to get on an airplane, having to drive more than thirty minutes from my home, in traffic, an enclosed place, a bank, gas station, post office, or sometimes, in a bathroom I think I might accidentally get locked in, anyone within ear shot, I have not only managed to lose my mind, but those around me wish theirs would get lost, too.   So, my change this year is hopefully to see and get the help I need to shine as bright as I possibly can, in an elevator, airplane, traffic, or, (gasp) a tornado warning.  I started by honestly not having any anxiety over the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve.  I learned a few years ago that I am not the only person who has anxiety about this night.  Luckily, this year, I managed to let it go.  Baby steps.  Itty-bitty ones, but I'll take it.

Happy New Year friends and family!  May you achieve your goals, whatever they are.  I don't really know that I will overcome some of my worst anxieties in the next year, but I know that wanting to, is a huge step in the right direction.  ;o)

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