Jan 6, 2013

The blog in which I say "fart."

Michelle R. writes on her Facebook page, "Break has to be over soon...I don't even remember which day it is anymore...It's Thursday, right?"

Uh, no.  Michelle.  Wrong.  Technically, it was Friday.  But thanks for playing.  You may now exit stage left with this lovely parting gift of hope.  Hope that we make it through to the next long break off from real life.  Hope that your children wake up on Monday for their first day back to school.  Hope that you remember that each day of the week is now again assigned multiple tasks that are to be completed.  You, my friend, have WAY more to do than I could do without a lot of medication, and since I am not particularly good with that stuff, I don't do as much as you.

The last few days have been a horrible experience of strep throat for me.  I have never had it, and hope to never have it again.  However, I will spare you the gory details, sans only to tell you that while each of us should stock our homes in preparation with saltines, Gatorade, ginger ale, and now, the finest, softest, gentlest toilet paper your tushie deserves during drastic times.  My Facebook friends were my late night doctor on call, and had suggestions and helpful hints to deal with a nasty situation, and it was in that moment that I realized- 1.  My poor husband has been up all day at work and it is after midnight and he is still by my side trying to help me, 2. if one posts a gory picture on Facebook after midnight, it is eye opening how many of my friends are still awake and offering to come help, send their neighbors to help, or just send words of encouragement.  (I have two paramedics on my street, and one neighbor offered to send one.  How sweet, Jenn ;o)  I managed to get out of the medical field, but those people still follow me.

Today was day four of this horror, and I spent much of the day sleeping, and the rest, in the bathroom.  I don't think this medicine and I jive.  We are doing something, but I don't think the word is "jive."  So, I was missing my migits something bad, and then Geoff offered to do a movie night and had the kids agree on a movie I would like, he came and asked if I might come join him on the couch.  Sure.  I can sleep there as easily as I was in our bed.  So, I went, and slept on and off.  The movie ended around 9:30, and he brushed their teeth with them, and I decided to as well.  Then, I went down to pray with them since they were all going to have a sleep over downstairs in the living room with Daddy.  Geoff offers another movie.  So, we watch it, then watch some of the bonus things, like Bloopers, afterwards, and I wonder aloud what time it was.  11:18 PM!  Holy cow!  I yelled, "WE ARE SUCKY PARENTS!" First, I had no idea what time it was.  When I look at the time, it is merely a number.  Not a reason to do anything or be anywhere.  Uhhh... Our kids are going back to school in a day, and their average wake up hour is 10:AM!  This is no bueno.  I have done nothing to prepare them to go back to real life, and honestly, I feel horrible about it.  First, I feel cheated by this cold thing.  Second, I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO REAL LIFE!

I want to be like my friend Michelle... the phrase is so true... "Like a fart in the breeze." I just want to float around all day without a care in the world.  So, for one more day, I am going to be that fart.  In a VERY stinky breeze.  I suggest you stay clear of our home.  By at least a two block radius.  Even the two paramedics should vacate the area.  Nothing can save you from what I will be unleashing tomorrow.  Check your scanner for when it is safe to return to the area.  And Michele?  Today is Sunday.  You go back to work, raising three adorable children, gymnastics, religious education, and what ever else it is you do with your busy self in T minus 24 hours.  G-d spede.

* I Googled that.  That is how you spell "spede" in that reference.  I just educationed you.  Your welcome.  Go Google that educationed word.  Pretty sure it's not real.

** Michelle, don't unfriend me for sharing your story.  I might need you in the middle of the night some time ;o)

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