Jan 22, 2013

The blog in which you get to vote!

Lisa is a friend.  I really love her.  She is practically perfect in every way.  Behind her back, a mutual friend and I talk about her perfectness.  Isn't that what estrogen people do when they gather?  Even her morning hair is perfect.  Well, this morning, I came in from a freezing bus stop, and my nose was runny from the cold, so I walked in to the bathroom to get a tissue.  As I was turning around, I glimpsed my reflection in the mirror.  That is when I noticed that I went out to the bus stop with some scary ass crazy hair.  I then decided to tuck the crazy portion behind my ears, and they refused.  (I had my hair in a quick "flip your head upside down and throw into a ponytail bun" thing.)  All the hair shoved haphazardly out of my face.  All the hair, EXCEPT... those things.  Do they have a name?  If not, can I name them?  Am I supposed to be doing something with them?  They literally grew to that exact length, and stopped.  Do I need to tell you that I have found hair on my legs that have grown longer than these weird hairs will grow?

Proposed names to be voted on by the select few that don't have anything better to do than sit on a hair naming panel.  (Panel is now accepting applications.  No purchase or experience necessary.  Official rules do not exist.  But if you mock me behind my back, I will find you, a pair of scissors, and assist in cutting you your own pair of these crazy hair things that don't have a name.)

1.Ear Bangs
2. Banging Sides
3. Cheek Warmers
Is it just me, or do these names have a tinge of sexual innuendo to them?  I quit. We will keep this list short.  (Unlike the length of these crazy hairs that refuse to grow any more.)

Back to Lisa.  So, I didn't bother to ask our mutual friend, but I bet when the mutual friend shared a home with Lisa recently, she was noticeably missing these ridiculous hairs.  Damn her!  Clearly, I have side burn envy.  I wish my sideburns were appropriately lengthed for my head.  (And darn it if the word "clearly" didn't come from Lisa.)  The word "clearly," if used appropriately, can spark "spit milk through your nose" funny.  Clearly, Lisa is the only person who can use it correctly.  Funny, kind, perfect hair, and amazing family- that's Lisa.  If you see her before I do- tell her I said "hi."  

Do you see this nonsense? 

This is the picture I texted my husband about 10 minutes after he left.  "Hey- Why won't these hairs by my ears grow?  It's like they decided to stop growing when they grew to a crazy enough length to make small children and the elderly walk a few steps away from me."
His response?  "U just made my day. LMFAO babe.  love ju so mucho."
And that is why we will always be together.  

They are defying me.  I tucked them.  They don't look tucked, do they?  

They hide when I pull the rest out of the scrunchy.  You can hide, but I know where you are.  
And that concludes the story of my life.  I have some serious hair issues.  Too much, too long, too short, too thick, too coarse, too curly, too sexual.  I know.  One of those doesn't belong.  However, to Geoff, it all applies.  I love you Geoff.  And to you Lisa- CLEARLY, your husband is gifted with a beautiful wife that he doesn't have to receive crazy text pictures of before 8:AM.  Lucky guy.

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