The in which my daughter outed me in front of a group.

Back at the ranch... Yes, it's radKids time again!  Each year, your already "certified" radKid can retake the course as a refresher at no charge.  So, while this is our week to be in class, I am hanging out and handing out "sticka's" and enjoying the migits and the conversation.  The mere mention of dog safety will no doubt spur a child to share that they had a dog that died.  OR the neighbor had a dog that died.  Or, they saw a dead dog on a street and it reminded them that they have always wanted a dog of their own.  (Listen, moral of the story- dogs die and kids want to talk about it.  Darn emotions always getting up in our business while we are trying desperately to suppress them.)

Obviously, I am not as good as I thought about hiding my emotions.  My anxiety, now, not something I shy from discussing, yet very afraid to actually treat, (ironic, I know) was brought out during yesterday's radKids class.  When talking about an emergency situation, Bianca, radKid instructor extraordinaire, says, "Do not be afraid.  Stay calm.  Have you ever gotten scared?"  Naturally, my daughter blurts out (thanks for raising your hand there sista') and says, "Oh yeah, my mom gets scared all the time!"  Wow.  Outed.  And that is not totally true.  When the sun is shining, and I am not reading about end of the world scenarios, and Pope's aren't randomly stepping down, and calendars aren't ending, and wars aren't happening, and there is no traffic on a highway, and I am not in an elevator, or near an airport, or in a gas station or bank, or even a theater, and their is no illness or severe pain in the world, and our finances miraculously balance out, and children aren't in danger, and autism is eradicated, I am not scared.  The rest of the time?  It's a crap shoot.  I usually crap and then yell, "SHOOT!"

Headed to the gym because it's the only thing I can do that slightly alleviates some of my irrational and extended anxieties that I have now learned are just part of me, until the day that I am cured by any number of drugs that people assume need to be consumed in order to cause a whole new set of problems and side effects.  After years of trying to take them, my husband has stopped asking me to try again.  Apparently, that last one, ya' know, the one with the lower libido side effect?  Yeah, that's the one.  He no longer thinks that was overly effective.  Hmm..  Imagine that.  Thanks for supporting me hun.