I thought it was time to sit you all down for circle time so that I might share with you the meaning of life. Because I do not currently know the meaning of life, I will have to share with you some random information you may or may not find useful today. If you find this information useless today, it might become useful at a later date, so please read through so that you might apply the information at a later date. If you do not feel that you will be able to adequately utilize this data at a later date, please retain the 411 for a friend. You know you have one of "those," and they will need this, sooner than later.
I am about to demystify a very common misconception. I have spent a long time, about two days, thinking about this. That might not seem like a long time, but you will clearly see, that I have, in fact, wasted about a forty-eight hour span of time on this subject. While there are scientist working tirelessly to find the cure to numerous illnesses and world wide problems, I am here to take over on the "not so subtle" issues that our people have to consider. I was elected, by myself, and take this position quite honestly and not without a little levity, very seriously. If someone else had stepped up and chosen to take on these issues, I would have been just as grateful that I didn't have to waste a full forty-eight hours on these such concerns. And without further ado…
Fork Split English Muffins. I know it's been on your mind for as long as you can remember. Or, at least the past 1.4 seconds since you read it. See, I am a freakin' mind reader, and I am here for you. What is a fork split english muffin? Well, I will answer this question, and many more, some day. For today, you will have to accept that I can only educate you on the muffin and why it is called "fork split." No one really knows, and many an English man does not even know what an english muffin is. Therefore, we can conclude, they are not English. As for the "fork split" terminology… First, this is not an effective method for separating your bread. Second, if you believe that cutting the loaf of bread with a fork will create a difference in the bread, you are inaccurate as well. The bread has more (insert marketing term here) "nooks and crannies" due to the greater amount of air in this bread. From my vantage point, they are desperately grasping at intelligent sounding adjectives in order to sell you a piece of bread that is not pre-cut well and filled with air.
And there you have it my dear readers. You.Are.Welcome. Go forth with such information, and use it wisely.
And in other news… This was a painfully slow work week, and that creates a lot of noise in my head. Occupational hazards of not having much of an occupation. One would think homeschooling, gymnastics and acting classes would be enough. Nay, Nay.