Random Ahrens Pictures

Posted: 30 Jul 2012 06:18 PM PDT

So, turns out, the physical therapy for my leg issue is not covered by insurance since we have yet to meet our deductible.  The other options, which the orthopedist was pushing for, a steroid shot in the knee and then an MRI are back on the table as options since I can not afford the P.T.  So, after all this wait, and then turning down the shot two weeks ago while I was there, I am headed in on Thursday for the shot, and will continue taking the anti inflammatory in the mean time that helps to take the edge off the daily movement I have allowed myself.  I should have done the injection then.  Frustrating that I have wasted so much time.  My mom offered to come with me, but I declined.  That won't help me, unless she will be sacrificing her knee instead of mine.  (I'm a bit of a baby with shots.  I have no needle phobia, as I can seriously draw my own blood.  Don't judge.)  However, I need to change my attitude, since for some reason, I think we will be doing this injection, and then, following up with an MRI and surgery after all this time.  Which will be a tad more difficult to swallow than a quick injection visit.  I am so afraid of surgery, that I put off gall bladder surgery until I had elevated liver enzymes and was told to not eat anything, at all, until I had surgery.  That was a surgery I should have had seven years earlier, but managed to put it off.

So, gained back all the weight I had lost during my exercise and healthy eating period, and now, eating myself sick and missing my daily YMCA visits.  And now, when my migits are both going to school, I will not even be able to enjoy some alone time there.  If it is a torn meniscus, anyone out there have a success story without surgery?

Newest 'do- She rocked it.  It's called a "Pokey Mohawk."

This is totally irrelevant.  However, I have managed to upload a picture of my appetizer and dinner drink last night.  Pinnacle Whipped Vodka in O.J. with cheese balls.  I love those balls.  It really helped my Sunday Funday.

In other non-news.... Shay had her meet and greet today, and got the teacher she wanted, since I requested her and she was Charlie's teacher last year.  Charlie seems a tad less apprehensive about beginning first grade, Shay is over the top excited to begin kindergarten, and I am warming to the thought that I will put two migits on the bus in the mornings, and I will now have almost EIGHT straight hours to do with as I please.  I was really dreading the emptiness until this week, when I realized that what was really holding down my excitement factor was thinking this was going to be hard on Shay to move on.  However, that chick is like a a prisoner about to be paroled early.  She is balls to the walls jumping out of her skin to get on the bus and begin her school career.  She got homework today, and finished it within the hour of getting home.  She wrote a sentence and drew a picture of how she prepared for school.  Charlie, on the other hand, allowed me to do his home work assignment, myself.  His was a scrapbook page about him.  Lucky for him, I like scrapbook page making.  I think I will allow him the pleasure of doing all his first grade homework himself though.  Homework is not really to my taste.

Like my, I mean, HIS first homework project?

Shay doing her first homework.

Bugs and Networking

Where are they coming from?  I swear I think they come out of thin air.  So, we have these tiny little black gnat like things that are all over our house.  (Like one or two in the kitchen and one or two upstairs.)  Our house is small, so that pretty much covers the term, "all over the house."  I asked a friend of mine if she has them.  She said no.  She said she had them a few years ago and contributed bananas as the culprit.  Well, I don't see how that is possible.  I bought bananas, not bugs, and we have bananas year round, and this is a first for us.  And I still don't see how bananas can be blamed for these little suckers.  So I'll humor the theory, and say that yes, the gnats, or fruit flies, came from the banana.  Did it actually come from inside a banana, or, say, outside of the banana?  If inside, then I think I am done eating bananas.  If outside, wouldn't I have seen them in the store, or might they have just left along the way from being thrown bag less into the cart and then into a bag by some teenager who thinks that bananas and tampons are an appropriate bagging partnering choice?  Where ever they came from, I would like to send them back.  And let's continue saying they are from the 'naners.... why wouldn't they stay with them?  Why, all of a sudden, do they think the rest of the house, where there is NEVER food, is a good place to hang out?  (We, including the faux adults in the house, never bring food out of the kitchen/dining area.)

I say faux, as in fake, pretend.  I honestly don't think you can call either Geoff or I adults, as both of us still appreciate junk food as much as our children, stay up too late and fight getting up in the mornings, and love cartoon movies.  Seriously, he is going to be 40 and I will be 36, soon, but neither of us are admitting to maturity- yet.  I might be the only 50 year old person you meet that appreciates Dr.  Seuss and the ability to eat as much junk food as I can until I get sick.   Surely not a sign of maturity, right?

Anyway, so we have these little tiny bugs and I clean more than Hazel, so what's the deal???

Also, a friend mentioned that she noticed I plugged a mutual friend in need of an ultrasound job.  Yes, I am still plugging him, as he is still searching for a full time ultrasound job, however, she is a certified mammography person.  She is licensed to touch boobies, and that alone makes me want to giggle.  Every time I think of a male OB-GYN, I think to myself, "This man is genius."  He must have been asked at some point, what he would like to do with his life.  What his passions are.  And this Honest Abe says must have mentioned his appreciate vagina's and breast, and that he would like to make a career out of his passion.  Hence, a male OB-GYN.  As for Melanie, no, she probably is not a fan, per se, of breasts, but she has some, and that alone makes her pretty knowledgeable.  Then, she has been working as an x-ray tech for years, (not saying she is old, but she's been around the block a few times) so she went on to mammography since it is just an extension of her x-ray experience and schooling, I'm sure.  So, if you know of anyone in need of a woman to squish boobies, I got the chick for you.  And if you know of anyone with a full time ultrasound job, Brett would love the opportunity to fill the position.  If not, I hear that he can also serve as a Shabbos Goy, and he will take payments on Sunday, his personal Shabbos.  How mighty goyish of him.  And I think Melanie might squish boobies on Sunday, but I'd have to ask her.  I don't know, as we don't talk much about her boobie squishing.  In fact, we talk so little about it, that I didn't even know that she was licensed to do it!  (I'm really not a good friend or ex-coworker, huh?)

And while we are at it, I have a husband who has not had a job interview in about four years, but every few months realizes that we need to make more money, and by we, I mean, HE has to make more money.  We are a family of four, and I am a stay at home mom, as paying for childcare to care for my children, one of which attends speech and soon will be attending occupational therapy again, would cost most than me working would pay for.  And our migits are on a weird-o school schedule, wherein they are out of school about 16 weeks each year!  (That is hard to ask off for from any job.)  So, while he makes about $13 per hour at a bank job, it's not enough, and as frugal as I am, I can only say this for him, he is LOYAL!  He has yet to get another job, or be fired from the current one, so he must be doing something right.  So, here are his credentials-- graduated from a private catholic university, and can do most anything that doesn't involve a phone, as he is hearing impaired, and even with hearing aids, the phone is a challenge.  He refuses to travel overnights, as family is a priority, and weekends are off limits as well.  However, for the time he is at work, he works.  He doesn't mess around on a computer, text, or anything else that would take him away from his responsibilities.  So, if you know of a company willing to give him a chance to fully support his family, please share that with us.  Thanks!

I am considering potential work from home options.  First, phone sex.  Then I realized, I don't like talking on the phone.  Nixed that idea.  Then, I thought, what about strip-o-grams?  First, I don't think I can strip.  It's really hard to bend over to take my socks off, so I doubt I can make that look sexy enough.  Second, it's probably a sin of some sort, and I really don't need anything else to talk about in confession.  The priest usually cuts me off as it is.  (Either I need to go more often, or not ever leave my house.  Or speak.  Or think.)  Then I thought about at home child care.  I love naps!  But if the kid doesn't nap, I'm screwed.  Or if they need a diaper change, they are screwed.  And if the diaper change is the deal breaker for taking a nap, I'm afraid that might cause me some angst.  I don't need any more of that in my life.  Never mind on the childcare bit.  Cleaning.  Hmmm.. I love a clean house.  I don't love cleaning as much as you peeps think.  I only do it so that I can sleep at night.  I suppose I don't really have any skills that might contribute to our family income.  I used to get temp work through an agency that had me stuffing and sealing envelopes.  With the advent of Internet, those jobs are gone too.   If only I could get paid to do something with this blog.  Suppose I will have to find some editor and some funny to do that.  Will be easier to to take my socks off than to find funny some days.  I'm not closing any doors just yet ;o)

Not sure how bored he was when he thought this one up.

Here we go again peeps!  Another weird but true story.  I swear, I can't make this up.  I'm not that creative.  So, here's my take on it.  

Man Shoots Fireworks Out Of His Buttocks, This does not sound like a wise choice. Goes To Australia Hospital (See, I knew this was not going to "END" well.)  

Posted: 07/30/2012 10:21 am Updated: 07/30/2012 2:54 pm

968

93

395

474

GET WEIRD NEWS ALERTS:

SIGN UP

REACT:

AmazingInspiringFunnyScaryHotCrazyImportantWeird

FOLLOW:

Video, Fireworks In Bottom, Fireworks In Buttocks, Man Shoots Fireworks, Man Shoots Fireworks Out Of Bottom, Man Shoots Fireworks Out Of Butt, Slideexpand, Weird News

File Photo

In what appears to be a party trick gone awry, an Australian man suffered severe burns after he put fireworks between his buttocks and set them off.

The New Zealand Herald reports that paramedics near Darwin, Australia were called to the scene on Saturday night, but the unidentified man had already taken himself to the hospital to be treated for injuries to his posterior and genital area.

"What must of (sic) seemed to be a great idea at the time has backfired, AM I THE ONLY ONE APPRECIATING THE PUNS HERE? resulting in the male receiving quite severe and very painful burns to his cheeks, back and private bits,"I LOVE THAT THEY ARE CALLING HIS MANHOOD "BITS."  Senior Sergeant Garry Smith said. Police believe alcohol could have been a factor in the firecracker-fueled accident.IF ETOH WAS NOT INVOLVED, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT DRUGS HIS MONTHER DID WHILE HE WAS STILL INUTERO, AND I WILL CLEARLY MARK THOSE OFF THE DO TO LIST.  

The 23-year-old man was later taken to a specialist burns unit at the Royal Adelaide Hospital.

Smith added that there's a lesson to be gleaned from the man's injuries.FANTASTIC!  THIS IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE BACK TO SCHOOL SPECIALS WHERE SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING STUPID, AND WE ALL LEARN A LESSON AND EVERYTHING TURNS OUT OKAY, IN THE "END."  SORRY.  HAD TO.  MY FUNNY HAS TEMPORARILY LEFT ME.  

"Apparently [the firecrackers] are not designed for that particular placement," Smith said, according to The Daily Mail.DUALLY NOTED.  THANK YOU SR. SGT. SMITH FOR THAT INSIGHT.  

The man could also face fines because fireworks are illegal in the area, AND BY "IN THE AREA," ARE WE REFERRING TO THE GEOGRAPHY OR THE BITS LOCALE?  except on July 1, which is Territory Day.AND BY "TERRITORY" DAY, ARE WE REFERRING TO THE BITS AREA OR THE GEOGRAPHY?  

The story comes just a few weeks after a Michigan man blew off part of his genitals with fireworks.MIGHT WE ASSUME THAT SINCE THERE WAS NO MENTION OF IT, THAT MAN BITS ARE LEGAL TO BLOW OFF IN THIS "AREA?"  AND IF SO, I SUPPOSE IT MAKES SENSE.  IT'S A FANTASTIC NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL.  IT IS SORTA' LIKE ALLOWING THE SIMPLE MINDED TO REMOVE ALL THE WARNING TAGS AND LETTING THE NATURAL LAW OF SELECTION DO IT'S MAGIC.  GO AHEAD MICHIGAN MEN... BLOW YOUR SELVES!  WAIT, THAT'S NOT RIGHT.  

Fog

I had the most metaphorical drive to and from church this morning.  We woke super early, partly because I am trying to torture myself, since my son doesn't like to be woken any more than I like to have my own dog lift his leg to pee on me, and part because it's nice to get to an early Mass and feel like I have extra time in the day since we woke so early.  (The migits really needed to get back into a bed time routine, and last night, Shay was asleep by 7:30 PM, and Chaz, by 8:PM.)  So, if going to  sleep early, need to wake early too.  (It's worse for me than for them, as I do not adhere to the early to bed part.)

So,  the kids and I get in the car, and we are driving.  It is early, but the sun is coming out and it appears to be the start to a beautiful day.  I began thinking.  (Say nothing.)  I was thinking  how frustrated I was with my husband, but was not fully able to put words to why I was frustrated. Slowly, it started to form in my head.  (Slow being the operative word here.)  I felt like we are in a pattern that we were in prior to and during our separation.  While we are driving, I see that there is fog ahead.  I was not sure if it was fog or rain ahead, as it was super dark, but in the distance, you can only guess.  As soon as we got into the haze, Shay and Charlie starting talking about it.  It was super hard to see.  I had to put my windshield wipers on to see just a few feet in front of me.  I was not thrilled, but calm once I realized that the wipers helped. I know it seemed like forever, but it was incredibly thick and dangerous for about sixty seconds.  Then, out of no where, the fog began lifting, and I was shocked how beautiful the blue sky was once we got past it.  It was brighter and clearer than it appeared to be before we hit the fog.  On the radio, we hear this story of how a husband and wife had an argument on the way to the hospital with their young son.  The argument  was silly, like how the husband had taken a wrong turn, or how he had gone to slow.  Then, once they got to the hospital, they began doing blood work and such on the young child, and the mom stepped away to be alone, but mostly, away from you husband who was annoying the snot out of her.  (Not her words.)  She is recounting the story, and saying how she would do anything to have those 45 minutes back with her son.  An hour later, her son passed on.  The frustration stole time from her with son in his last moments here on earth.

I feel like sometimes we are in a fog for so long, and other times, we just pass though them without incident.  Today, I needed the fog to help me focus on what was right in front of me.  I needed to listen to the radio at that moment to know that I am wasting time.  I need to do what I say, and say what I mean, and not allow myself to wander around in an unhappy fog.

Geoff and I separated two years ago for nine months.  I had to stop the cycle we were in.  It eventually drove me away, and while I did not once consider divorce, I considered the idea that my unhappiness would eventually ruin my family if I did not make a change.  That was easier for me than for him, as the change in me meant that he had to change, and he was blindsided by the whole event.  I had to make the change, and try to keep my children safe during a very rocky phase.  I knew, if I was patient, that G-d would take care of the situation, but that I would have to make some really tough decisions.  I made them, and during the time it takes to make a baby, we gave birth to a marriage and relationship that sustained happiness.  Until lately.  When I feel we are going back into some old habits.

I know that a friend of ours has recently succumbed to addictive behaviors.   That person can attend meetings, seek help from family and friends, and accept that being an addict is a demon that they have to live with every day of their life.  Having a neurological disorder, such as being  on the autism spectrum, is not as socially acceptable for a man about to turn 40.  I am not the least bit ashamed of my husband, but I am frustrated when people make excuses, and I have to hear "Actions speak louder than words" running through my head for weeks on end.  It's all I want to say lately, but I am afraid that it will do less to remedy the situation than frustrate me more.

Have you ever seen sign for a store that says "Final Days!  Store Closing Forever!"  And then, they don't close.  EVER?  Well, on our way home, I was laughing as I see that the furniture store that forever has that type of sign up, didn't have it anymore.  In fact, it looked like they were settling in nicely and even repainted the front of the store.  So... if actions speak louder than words, than what I am hearing is, "We did so well with you guys shopping our pretend clearances the last few years, that we have decided to hang around!"  I am not one to appreciate being manipulated, therefore, I apply this to my relationships.  The only way I know to not be manipulated is to be honest and tell my husband, son, DOG if need be, that I will  not allow the manipulation to affect my decisions.

I need to put on my wipers to get through this fog.  I know that once we get through it, it will be clearer, brighter, and happier for all of us.  While we begin school, activities,  homework, birthday parties, making lunches, bedtimes and early wake up calls, let us all remember that it is never too late to make a change.  And that while some times it seems really hard, ultimately, happiness is a choice.  We can choose to be happy, or we can choose to allow the people or situations around us make us unhappy.  I am choosing to be happy.  (I remind my children of this all the time.)  It is powerful to know that.

Super Saturday-- It was not our best one.

Damn!  Today was a very productive day, but man, at the end of the day, I started thinking, "Wow, I have really messed up somewhere along the way."  Here's the deal.  I think freedom of speech is important, at best, vital, to healthy environments and persuasive societies.  By that, I mean to say, I respect others' beliefs, and principles.  However, today was one of those days I was being bombarded by them.

Started out with Geoff having another vertigo bout that had him in bed all day until tonight.  So... I was running on day six of playing single parent, as during the week, I am totally by myself and when he gets home, he is not as much as a help as another warm body to have to care for.  Weekends are sort of my time to sit back a little more, generally, and take care of things while he and the kids engage in activity before we do something as a family.  Today.That.Did.Not.Happen.  I worked my tail off from 7:30 this morning until now.  I didn't even get much sleep, as Geoff has me up until 2:30 AM with his snoring.  And he also had nausea, I suppose, his warning sign to vertigo.

We had arranged to have our amazing family friends join us at the YMCA today.  Well, I ran the migits to the Build and Grow at Lowes, ordered a custom size shag rug while we were there, then headed to Target to pick up another fitted sheet and hand soap.  I stuck to my list too!  I was really proud of myself.  The migits almost talked me into the coolest Mickey and Minnie soap dispensers.  Well, technically, they didn't ask for it.  They showed it to me.  They know better than to ask for anything in a store.  I trained them-YOUNG.

We raced home and I folded the wash that I had been working on from before we left in the morning.  Made lunch, packed snacks for the pool, vacuumed the downstairs, and by 2:PM, we were at the YMCA pool with our friends.  The wife, one of my closest friends, was honestly annoyed the whole time we were there.  I felt terrible that she was truly not enjoying herself, but felt so honored that she and I have reached a place in our relationship, almost 7 years later, that she can let her family junk hang out for me to witness.  Was a special moment for me when I realized how human she is.  Plus, we talked, at length, about pubic hair grooming, and honestly, that is a conversation you can have once and be done.  No need to be interrupted by kids and husbands and then to have to keep picking back up on that convo.  Really.  I'm good now.  I guess our conversation base of topics has really dwindled if that is where we were today.  While we both have autism in our family, that, for some reason, did NOT come up today.  However, that was kind of a new for us too.  See, we usually have that as our binding tie.  Nice that now we have autism AND pubic hair grooming habits.  Maybe, if we are lucky, we might branch out and talk about girl things.  I don't really know what those things are, but one day, we might explore it.  (Not nails or hair, fashion, or gossip.)  Okay.  Scratch that.  Maybe we will talk men talk, since I don't think  I will ever be able to talk girl talk.

Here's where I felt like I had messed up.  Today, I get an email from an old high school friend.   She has no children, and her and her current husband would like to have a child.  When they came to visit last Christmas, we got to meet her new hubby, and saw that he had a true love for children.  I had not known how much they had really wanted children, until the email today.  When someone tells me their pet has died, I feel the loss of my Mai Tai from two summers ago.  Well, the same is true of hearing a story of a miscarriage of a child.  I feel for the anger, resentment, frustration, and sadness that this lady is feeling.  But, I do it differently.  I do it with my faith- my belief system.  She and I have very different beliefs.  First, she and I were raised in the same area, and relate based on our upbringings and geography.  That is basically as far as we go in relating.  I was raised Jewish.  I converted in my twenties to be a practicing Catholic.  She is an atheist, and a loud and proud one about that.  I TOTALLY respect her.  She was tolerant of my questions when I first learned about it, and basically, her premise is honorable.  She believes that people should do the right thing because it is right and moral, not because there is a punishment that might come from it from a higher power.  While she is not open to G-d, it doesn't mean that he is not present in her life.

I know that she turned to me today for some words of comfort, and I really did not know how to do that.  I too have had miscarriages, but honestly, the only thing that helped me not harbor the resentment, anger, frustration and loss was a little baby boy, and his name is Charlie.  But, my road to having Charlie was hard, and sadly, involved G-d.  Telling that to her was probably akin to me throwing salt or twisting the knife, but really, I didn't know how to comfort her without being honest.  So, I was.  And I even took a moment and prayed that something I might say would help her, or at least, not hurt or anger her more.  But, I don't know that my email did that for her.  I will just ask that if you read this, that you say a prayer for that family and their desires.  I truly don't understand why things happen, but I do know that there is perfect timing.

Then, we move on to Chik Fil A.  Well, our friends who joined us at the pool are incredibly outspoken on their stand on issues.  I am too, and while I might not be able to debate my stand from a theological or political stand point, I know that I usually work really hard to discern before I take a random stand on something.  Chik Fil A has been one of those issues.  While I refuse to give a dime to a business or organization that choices to take an interpretation from a man made translation of G-d's teachings, and choice to throw the rest of the interpretations away, this family thought differently, and they are fully supporting Chik Fil A.  Well, I thought there was some discrimination involved, and had not completely educated myself on the cause.  Turns out, no, I don't agree with the company, however, I do believe the company does do good, and hopefully, this statement might help the company to learn to love, or teach love and acceptance, to more than those who fit the "getting into heaven based on heterosexual behaviors only" clause.  I love because it is a commandment.  I think those ten teachings are more relevant each day that passes.  But I won't be participating in a day of showing support by throwing my money at it.  I will throw my money at loving those around me.  If that means I need to buy an extra jacket this winter for a child that is without, I will.  But I don't think a man stating his beliefs on a radio station that shares the same beliefs is a reason to go balls to the walls crazy with ourselves and start throwing hate filled sentiments around.  I will love, whether I think something is right or not, I will just love, because that is what is being asked of me from the One who made us, and what is right and just.

Remember what happens to glass homes peeps.  My sin is no less than those around me.  I'm hoping that my actions, my words, and my thoughts, are less of me, and more of Him, next time I am confronted with a human need from those around me.  

Lollipops answered my question.

Well, today was the first of two meet and greets with new teachers for this coming school year.  Charlie's teacher seemed a tad nervous herself, and for some reason, I didn't realize that until I got home, and took some time to process the event.  And when I say, "event," I mean, it is a full on, sensory overload, make you wanna stop at the liquor store type of event.  From PTA sign ups to different after school event tables, it was organized chaos when you consider all the families, some you recognize, other's you don't, and trying to find out who got which teacher and so on.  I didn't think I was too chatty, but we get in the car, and Shay says, "Why do you know so many people?"  Well, guess that meant I was too chatty.

One of the mom's there even recognized me from high school.  I did not recognize her, and quickly apologized for my lack of recognition due to the fact that I spent a few years doing drugs in high school, and unless she sold them, did them, or wanted to do them, I might have a hard time remembering her.  She and I laughed that both of us thought this area we all live in was the sticks and that now we love it up here.  I did remember her. When I got home, and was processing.  (When I say "processing," that is, was sitting quietly, drinking my adult beverage I stopped for... you thought I was kidding?  I was not.)

So, as I was leaving, or as Shay sees it, socializing my way through the doors with strangers, I thought to ask--- Is taking your children into a liquor store inappropriate?  Well, two of the moms said it was fine, and I didn't ask any others, as they might not have believed me that I rarely drink, or they would have nixed the thought, and that would have made me feel bad about my parenting since I was going, whether it was appropriate, or not.  I am running low on the Pinnacle Whipped Vodka, and I have a new drink I found about a month ago, and Geoff seems to appreciate it as well.  It is Friday Family Fun Night, and I thought we might need it.

We get to the store, and for some reason, liquor stores cause me a little anxiety.  I assume they get robbed a tad more than other stores?  Who knows.  Anyway, we walked in, found my vodka of choice, and a cotton candy version one of the  moms asked about, and off we went to the register.  I found a cheap chocolate wine, and grabbed that too.  And then, as I finish paying, the cashier hands me two lollipops for my migits.  Yes, that was my answer.  They obviously stock those freebies for migits, therefore, it must be acceptable to bring them into a liquor store.  And a bank.  But I will NOT be involved in that activity.  *See the post on the one time in recent memory that I actually DID go into a bank with the two migits.  You will see.  I think it comes down to this-- if you have to hand out lollipops, it must be to try to assure you that it is even safe enough for children.  But I'm on to you.